The Maybe-Now Mommy Syndrome

 

I've got it.  Many of my friends have it.  Hell, you might even have it yourself.

The Maybe-Now Mommy Syndrome.

You know, the feeling that you just have to check your digital world.... email, Facebook, Twitter, message board forum.... to see if there's been an update, a tweet, a comment on that really cute picture of your kid that you uploaded.   Even though you had just checked it 10 minutes ago, let's face it, 10 minutes in digital time is like a hour or two.  So.Much.Could.Have.Happened.  All to go through the checking cycle all over again a short time later.

My best friend (who is now my sister-in-law after letting go and allowing me to date and marry her hot brother) and I came up with the term.  Back then, though, we didn't have kids or husbands.   We came up with Maybe Now to describe the intense urge to run to our computers and check if people we were talking to on AOL were online.  One turned out to be her future husband, so she was always interrupting conversations to jump on the 1997 desktop and see if he was there to IM with.   We'd rush home from nights out to see if anyone worth talking to was online.  The internet was brand new and the idea of talking to people all over the world was addictive.

Soon after, I discovered the internet message board world......

goggle images

Hours would melt away, arguing with idiots, as I'd call it.  Did I ever make a difference?  Probably not.  But it added to my Maybe Now addiction.  While I was living my life, maybe now someone was responding to that really awesome gonna-stun-them-into-silence argument.   And if I didn't check right now, I might miss it.  

Well, times have changed in a lot of ways.  I got married, had kids and so my political boards were replaced by wedding planning boards and then one month after our wedding, pregnancy boards.  Babies, toddlers and now preschool boards have followed quickly after.  The Maybe Now became quite strong with all of the insecurities and anxiety that comes with first time motherhood. You can get so much feedback about everything from mundane issues, like which bath toy is best for a 9 month old, to major decisions, like whether or not to vaccinate. Everybody has their opinion.

Another thing that has changed is the way we can connect.   Now there's social media, tons of forums and everyone has a smart phone or tablet, so checking your digital circle is merely a fingertip away.  

Turns out that moms being addicted to their internet (see how I said "their"?  That's how I find myself referring to it.  As mine).  It's become quite a problem, with many moms being distracted by all the vibrations of the notification alerts from their multiple devices (see, you don't even have to look at your phone to know someone said that your kid was a cutie or that your status was hilarious/insightful/such-a-weird-thing-to-happen).  It's replaced the old valium and vodka that housewives of years gone by used to dull their pain and boredom.   

Now, we clog our minds and potentially take away from our families with all of the checking and updating.   All to be checked and updated 20 minutes later (by all of the other Maybe Nows out there).  Because it's so very important.  At the moment, at least.

Some of the interaction can be very beneficial.  I've learned so much about parenting from my mommy boards.  I've gotten a million recipes and ideas for the home (which I WILL do one of these days!) from Pinterest.  And I don't know how I'd keep in touch with my friends without Facebook.  

But at the same time, I find myself sometimes shushing my little one, who is trying to show me his new trick, telling him "Oh ok, let mama check this one thing"and turning my face to the screen.  He doesn't seem to notice, but I'm starting to.  What's more important, after all?  My ego stroking or his?  

Of course, the fact that I'm talking about this on an internet blog (and not my only one...) isn't lost on me.  My oldest is at his first day of Pre-K and my youngest is napping, so no guilt here. I told you, it's not all bad.  I just need to tell the Maybe Nows to wait a minute, not those most important to me.

So, do you have a case of the Maybe Nows?  

I Haven't Slept in 4 Years

Did you know that brain cells make a tiny little scream when they die off from lack of sleep?  They do.  I've heard them.

You have to listen really carefully in the middle of the night, as you're trying to put a child back down to sleep for the millionth time that night.  I know, I've been there hundreds of times since having children.  

Before having kids, I would've never believed sleep would be such a mourned thing in parenthood. I mean, I saw my friend Heather go through it with her daughter.  She was delirious with lack of sleep that first year.  And I got plenty of warnings when I was pregnant with my first.  But I, like many, had assumed that the sleepless nights would be a proud badge I'd wear after a my children finally started sleeping like... well, babies... after a few months.

Well, it took my first 3 years to earn his mama that badge.  

Yep, 3 years.  

And by then,  I already had my daughter, so I wasn't able to enjoy him finally realizing that sleep is a freakin' wonderful thing.  I mean, geez, my 13 year old stepson loves to sleep to the point of me throwing his sleeping form irritated glares of jealousy when I pass his room on weekend mornings.  How do you go from fighting sleep like it's going to eat your brain alive to sleep-coma-central?  

With my oldest, I tried everything to get him to sleep well.  Swaddling. Five pacis in his crib, all placed around so he could accidentally find one to replace the one that always (ALWAYS!) fell out of his mouth..... I remember many nights half-hung off my bed, sleeping with my arm draped into the bassinet to pop a paci back into his mouth as quickly as possible as to not wake him too much. 

We tried cosleeping.  Sleeping on the floor of his room.  The supposed miracle blanket that cost $30 and did nothing but make me crazy from the amount of wrapping and tucking I had to do.  

We even tried crying-it-out, like so many had suggested, and I had scoffed at.  My child needs me and they wanted me to ignore him?   Well, being so tired you see stars made me throw my hat into that ring.  Nothing.  Bloody, bloody nothing.

Now it's my almost-2 year old's turn to wake her tired mama up several times a night.  She did start out good and sleep really well until 10 months.  But then teething hit. But this time around I'm not going to stress about it like I did with the first.  I will sleep eventually.  Like when I'm dead.  But it will come.

Sleep is one of my biggest parenting area where I feel guilt and shame.  I can't help but wonder if I did something to make 2 bad sleepers.  Was I not strict enough?  Did I coddle them too much.  Should I have let them cry it out more?  Is it because I nurse for so long and can't wean them and popping her back on is just much easier at 3am? 

They're damn lucky that they're cute.......

So, did you have nights of hearing your brain cells take a dirt-dive?  Or were you blessed (or worked hard) with good sleepers?

Just What the World Needs... Another Mommy Blog

Hi.  I'm Melissa and I know what you're thinking....

Do we really need another mommy blog?   Really?

I mean, give a woman a baby and an internet connection and suddenly her mundane life becomes viral-worthy.  Sure, our lives are important to us and maybe even to those around us, but to the entire cyber space?  Possibly not.

But unlike a lot of the uber-blogs out there, I don't claim to be perfect.  My house isn't pop-in clean a lot of the time.  Ok, most of the time.  My children aren't on their best behavior.  Well, my son is at preschool, I hear.  At home, well, that's another story.  A true baby Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I'm tellin' ya.  I can't do crafts worth a damn.  I can cook, that much I'll give you.  And I try to take a decent shot with my too-fancy-for-me camera.

In other words, I struggle with being a mom, wife, worker, photographer, would-be runner, friend.  Pretty much everything I do, I struggle with at one point or another.  And I'm not shy about babbling about it to anyone who will listen to me.  Hence, the birth of this blog.  Maybe I can spare my friends a bit.

But, there's a lot of joys and triumphs in my life, too, in case you were worried this would turn into a Debbie Downer blog.  My children are hilarious, my husband creative and clever and my friends, some of the best you'll ever meet.

So, come along for my very flawed, but lovingly fun ride called life.  You know I'll babble your ear off along the way.

Question: Do blogs where the women seem to have everything in order and under control make you feel bad about yourself or give you inspiration?

Thanks for stopping by!

Melissa